DISCLAIMER: What I'm about to post doesn't reflect the views and opinions of the DOA community. They are based on my personal feelings, and my actions from here on out are of my own accord.
NOTE: Based on past experience after tournies - and because people online are stupid and always find a way to get to you - I will try to stay away from playing online or browsing FSD for a while, since I know there are a lot of people who don't like me and will try to give me hell. For those that know they're cool with me who want to keep tabs, do so on Skype or Facebook, but as of right now, I'm just not ready to get online and play for a while until this shittalk subsides among the stupid people online. I've seen a taste of it on PSN a while before posting this blog, and I don't feel like dealing with that now. I hope you'll understand.
That being said... let's move on to the experience itself.
Taking away all the keyboard commandos, trash talkers, and other nonsense which almost convinced me not to go to TFC in the first place, I ultimately ended up going to the event. But the process of going wasn't easy, as I had a certain individual promising to make good on their threat to make sure a "washed-up scrub like me" has a miserable weekend at TFC. Now I dunno if this person was planning to torture me mentally or physically, and the name of this person sure as hell isn't important now (since he never showed up), but I had to take this person seriously if he's making his beef with me THAT personal.
After this incident, my plan to "not go to TFC" was immediately set in motion. I figured that if I pretended not to go and convince other people in the community, that maybe - just maybe - I won't have to deal with this person until the day of the tourney, because who would make a fool of themselves in a tourney by picking a fistfight in the venue, knowing the ground rules result in suspension from competing in that event or other related ones? For those I may have tricked into believing I wasn't going, I am truly sorry. But I don't fuck around when crazy people make threats. I take 'em seriously and try my best to avoid conflict if possible.
Fast-forward to Thursday, October 9. Immediately following work, I got ready to head over to Fred Campbell (Blitzkreig/Toothless)'s house. As usual, he was as dependable as ever. I had a place to rest, and we had a plan set in motion to pick up Justin (aka JDE, aka "Just Dad-Gummed Early") from the airport. On the way back we were faced with interesting traffic... but none that stood out as much as this one car that kept crashing into the left boundary over and over. My guess was that either the car was stolen and the driver didn't know how to handle it, the driver was drunk, the driver was texting, or the driver passed out. Either way, we kept a couple hundred yards away from it.
After safely making it back to Fred's house, we began packing our things in Fred's new car and putting mine in the garage for safekeeping. My car was in no condition for long-distance travel, and I couldn't afford to get new tires at the time. Before we took the long trip back, we headed to the Golden Corral to eat what we could at the buffet. But after we finished eating, Fred realized he had forgotten an important item. After doubling it back to his house, we were ready to head out to the freeway.
Immediately heading into South Carolina, we stopped by an auto shop that Fred's uncle worked at, getting all the necessary tune-ups for the car to ensure there will be no problems outside our driving skill. We had some interesting conversations along the way, including this one story about how Fred and Dallaz got pulled over by the cops for suspicion of driving drunk, but somehow got let go despite evidence. Eventually we made another stop, and I insisted on driving as soon as I realized Fred was going to get some Mountain Dew mixed with vodka. Despite Fred saying that the steering was a little different, I managed to handle the car quite well throughout most of the trip in North Carolina. But I was unfamiliar with how to get the beams on at night.
I eventually got tired and let Fred deal with the home stretch. When we finally got to the actual venue, I started feeling uneasy again and having uneasy thoughts:
What if said player is actually here and really does make good on his threat?
What will other people think of me if I play casuals and lose too much?
What if I never get a chance to meet the people I know I'm actually cool with?
What if everyone hates me now because I haven't done well in tourneys, despite supporting the offline scene?
That Friday night at the Skybox bar in the Hilton hotel was not easy to go through. I felt that if I did anything... that if I went and tried to play the DOA5 Last Round demo, I'd be laughed out of the bar and possibly draw attention to the guy who threatened me, assuming he was around. So I kept my distance and watched instead. I wasn't ready to interact with or face anyone. To be honest, things would've been a lot easier for me if Punishere and Auto were there... but alas, they were not. So afterward, I headed outside and walked for a while, figuring out some good places to eat closeby so I can be ready for tomorrow.
Meanwhile, Fred negotiated with Chosen1 on getting me and Justin to lodge with his folks for two nights. By the time I got back I wandered around for a bit and found the room RhytmikDesigns was in, then at the room Justin visited where most of the high-level crowd was in. Feeling out of place, I eventually left both, but not without a tip from Justin that Adon (aka Earlee, aka Shadow) was looking for me. So I fired up my laptop in the lobby in the hopes of contacting him, but they were already calling it a night. By the time I went back to Chosen1's room, nobody was there, and nobody answered.
NOTE: It was eventually brought to my attention the next morning that Chosen1 got in a car accident that night with his car totaled, which explained the situation altogether. Upon hearing this, I was going to talk with Fred on having him and his party ride with us back to Georgia.
So I spent that night sleeping somewhere in the lobby. When that didn't work, I just killed time watching movies on my laptop.
The next morning I went back to Chosen1's room and got spruced up for the tourney. I was feeling slightly better and less insecure this time around, and greeted most people formally, as opposed to last night when I was feeling distant. Either way, it felt good knowing I survived that Friday night, and I could confirm that whether or not the guy who threatened me showed up, he wouldn't try anything funny inside the venue as long as the tourney was active. Thankfully, this person never showed his face, so I could act normal. Everyone was friendly enough (especially ElectrifiedMann), but I was really happy to see some of my friends I regularly talked with on Skype when they arrived-- Adon, Gruff757, HajinShinobi, Madian. Hell, even Blackmoonrising and his buddy Knightzero arrived on the scene as promised. I even got to meet some old friends like BlackberryChaos, Enforcer, and Brightgamer, newer guys like Hoodless and Sly Bass, and even the two overseas players from the Netherlands, Glyx (Gehaktbal) and his girlfriend Tjiger. At this point, no matter how I did at the tourney, I had the pleasure of meeting them all.
So the tourney started, and it ran smoothly enough. I didn't have to deal with the pressure of playing on stream in the first match, nor any other recurring matches. I lost my second match against Rikuto, and realized too late that I never bothered to check my sidestep settings during the button check, which explained my difficulty for dodging certain attacks. But what's done is done. There was little shame in losing to him anyway. D.J. McAteer then told me something very important afterward. Something bad happened to Fred, and he was being hospitalized. He also told me Master was already with him, and I didn't know how long he was going to be out of commission. I then realized that even if I made it far in the tourney, I'd eventually have to forfeit. So I was again eliminated by Elecman (ElectrifiedMann), who was using Helena at this point.
Immediately after that I rushed to the hospital, getting Master's number from Allan Paris to get the location of the hospital. By the time I called him I realized the hospital was in plain sight across the street... and there they were outside of the emergency office, waiting on a shuttle to carry Fred back to the hotel. I then realized he had a case of the shakes from withdrawing from alcohol for too long, which caused him to pass out in the first place. Rather than wait for the shuttle, Fred decided to give me the keys to his car and Master and I escorted him back to the hotel, or more specifically, the Skybox, where he had to get some drinks and some food. I stayed there for a while, and eventually went back to the ballroom to check on how everyone's doing.
After the matches leading to top 8 were complete, I got together with Hajin's crew as well as Justin, Blackmoonrising, and Knightzero to eat at this Japanese restaurant near Hajin's venue. Without a doubt, things looked a lot brighter from here. Fred was doing okay, I got to meet some of the people I really wanted to meet, and we had some fun conversations. We had so much fun in fact, that I lost track of time and didn't realize Fred was calling me on another matter, which was finding out about what BlackberryChaos intends to do after TFC. According to him, he said he needed a ride to Georgia in order to get to Connecticut, but I eventually found out that was a misinformation. After talking to BlackberryChaos briefly, I went back to the Skybox to check on Justin, who was with Devon (BlankOctober) at the time. I had my initial suspicions with Devon after previous skirmishes with him on Skype, but ultimately he turned out to be a cool guy. I ordered a ceasar salad and some fries, and the three of us ended up talking about girls, fighting games, and laughing at weird jokes. It was at this point that I wished Devon and Hajin would get along at this point, but I realized only they could make it work for them. Once again I went back with Hajin's crew and got some casuals in with Hajin, at last. The guy is good at spacing, as I expected. Though he wished he could've performed better at the tourney, I knew how he played when he was at his best.
That being said, this gave rise to another concern that was again mentioned by Chosen1 and Justin the next morning-- the stream monitors. People were convinced that compared to the off-stream monitors, there was considerable lag, which he soon addressed to the host of TFC, Eric Small, aka Big E. While I didn't directly involve myself in the conversation too much, I do plan to mention this in a future blog, since it does appear to be something of a concern. (UPDATE: It has been brought to my attention that it was an issue of the controller converters that have caused the input delay.)
I didn't stick around too long for top 8, as it was getting predictable at this point, with either Kwiggle's Christie or his brother SonicFox taking 1st or 2nd. Immediately after the grand finals - much to my chagrin - my crew had to leave, which means Justin, Fred, and I had to miss out on a huge dinner celebration. And if that wasn't a kick in the nuts, I had no clue that Force of Nature was even here until Fred told me Chosen1's crew was getting a ride with him. I felt so bad after that. But I'm sure by the time he reads this blog, he'll forgive me. So to Force of Nature, I formally apologize for not noticing you right away, and I really am sorry for not getting the chance to hang with you when I could.
Getting back home was relatively easier, and we had a few cases of "The Fred and Awesmic Show" here and there (inside joke), but the important thing is that we got back to Georgia safely. I had a few casuals with Justin, and drove myself back home, which brings us to this long-winded blog post I'm making now.
Yes, I didn't do well in the tourney. And given the circumstances during the tourney, my situation was unfortunate. But Fred's well-being was more important, and he's been nothing short of a very good friend to me as well as a strong supporter of the DOA community. Without him, I dunno what I could've done. There will be plenty of tournaments, but there is only one Fred Campbell. And looking back at it at the time I made this blog, I honestly don't have any regrets. But assholes will be assholes online. They'll only see the surface and measure your worth as a person - a person - by how well you play. If only they knew there was more to tournaments than just trying to win. I see that clearly now myself. I honestly had more fun just hanging with the friends I always wanted to hang with than worrying about how well I did at the tourney in the hopes of being liked by everyone depending on how well I do. After carefully reviewing my surroundings, I've come to the conclusion that Justin was right... a person's worth isn't synonymous with a person's skill as a player. It's only barely scratching the surface of what the community is really about.
Right now I feel like I've relieved myself of a huge weight on my shoulders. But in order to make sure it stays that way, I've got to mentally challenge myself. And the first sacrifice I must make is to stay away from playing online for a while. It seems to be the source of all my problems and I've been feeding too much on the negativity of some players, and gradually blurring the line between those who genuinely care about me, and those who don't. Instead, I'll spend my time slowly trying to be more sociable on Facebook and Skype with folks in the DOA community until I am more mentally secure to play casuals without worrying so much about impressing people... it seems to be all I ever do, and I have to stop. It's become an addiction, it's been hurting my friendships, and it's almost killed whatever fun I used to have playing the game.
So from here on out I vow to become a better me... not just a better Christie player than before, but a better me. The going won't be easy, but I need the self-discipline to make it work, even if it means not visiting FSD or playing online for a while. TFC was exactly what I needed, and the community interaction exceeded my expectations... but I've been shutting myself away in my own fear. To all I have talked with, I thank you for helping me see the light more clearly.
To everyone who took the time to read this blog, thanks for reading, thanks for understanding, and take care of yourselves. Come Final Round next year, I promise to be the Awesmic you once knew and loved... only more sociable, hopefully.
